Fail me again, humanity. Do it. I DARE YOU.

First things first: This, depending on where you work, is NSFW. If you work in a convent, I suggest finding a library first. If you work at a strip club, I'm pretty sure you see far worse things every night. I didn't bother censoring myself this time. Yes, normally I am a proponent of keeping conversations civil and that we have far more descriptive and creative words to use, but as you will read, I kinda don't feel like trying to make the world a nicer place at the moment.


Long, rant-like post today. I tried to find the humor here, but then I blacked out and a bunch of people ended up dead. They were all holding copies of one of the Twilight series...

I blame a mixed social message- they got in with vampires, thinking it'd be hot and got eaten/drank. I had blacked out because the memories were to painful. Clearly.

I don't know why I had a switchblade covered in blood. Clearly those were puncture marks made by vampire teeth.

In the stomach.

So, as a few of you may know, yesterday was the anniversary of the events that started World War 1. Its a pretty important event, as I think all of you at least know that world war 1 happened, and it was a war, and it involved most of the world.

Ignoring all the political/cultural/future ramifications, the death toll and number of combatants alone makes it an important date.

And as all of you must know, Eclipse comes out tomorrow. Its just another Hollywood movie, with most people going to see it not expecting any sort of real lasting value- there doesn't appear to be a strong thematic message or moral, and in 10 years all our movies will be in 4D with Smell-O-Vision, so we'll probably be looking back on this one the way I look back on silent films.

Pity.

This exchange was lifted from a friends Facebook profile, without permission (This is the Internet, after all. I have standards of plagiarism that I must keep to.)

Friend: "Did you know that today is the anniversary of the assassination of Austrian Archduke Franz Ferdinand. His death sparked the First World War."

Person (middle 30s) in grocery line: "Oh, whatever. Did you know that tomorrow Twilight Eclipse opens! Ooooooohhh, I am soooo excited! Team Edwar...d!"

He said that all he could do was shake his head in disbelief.

It was all I could do not to demand the name of this person and castrate them. Because they clearly been using the wrong head to think with for a very long time.

Note: Castrating a female is tricky, but not impossible. You just need some imagination and a willingness to hate yourself forever afterward.

I can understand you not knowing the exact date that World War 1 started. I didn't myself- I didn't even know the month. I can even (grudgingly at this point) understand that you might not know why WW1 was started.

History isn't your strong point. I'm sure you could point out a million and one things I should know about but don't. Like, for example, how a hot water heater works. Or how the meter on the side of my house measures how much electricity I use.

My power company could be ripping me off in the hundreds of dollars and I'd never even know.

So, I can excuse that you might not know why WW1 happened, or why it was important. Fine.

But to blatantly blow it off for some stupid pop culture phenomenon strikes me as outright irreverent and incredibly disrespectful to the men and women who fought and died in that war. In fact, you have cheapened the lives of almost every human being on the planet, by saying that paying the ultimate sacrifice for a cause isn't even as worthy of remembering as who the hell Edward is.

I don't know. I've never read the books. But, I'm pretty sure that any vampire/werewolf/sick perverted fantasy you may have with such doesn't even hold an iota of significance to even the smallest human sacrifice. Even the ones that don't require us to give up our lives.

Thank you for bringing our lives down to your sick level. Thanks. I hate it down here.

Besides, vampires don't have blood, right? The reason why you're body operates at a nice 97 degrees (give or take) is because of blood transporting heat and nutrients and oxygen around you.

Having sex with a vampire would be like fucking your refrigerator.

Somehow, that metaphor makes this all the more disgusting.