Lock and Key

alternative title: Bet I've done something you haven't.

And not skydiving.

Yes, I've jumped out of a plane because I was bored. And because everyone else was doing it. I'm your mother's worst nightmare. And I don't regret it, and if I get the chance, I'll do it again.

So nyah.

Anyway, this isn't about jumping out of planes, although I might do an entry on that in the future.
This is about locked doors and why routines are dangerous.

Also I'm a spaz, but you read this blog so you knew that already.

So, every night I lock my door before I go to sleep. This is an old habit, formed way back in my wee little years when my house was robbed and instead of helping their new born son, my parents barricaded themselves in their room. Very chivalrous.

I assume they thought I could take that thief on. Pee on his eyes then ,while he was blinded, throw up on him or something.

He'd probably run out crying tears of shame.

Anyway, its something I do every night. Always. Even if it is stupid and over protective, when you dorm with other males that may or may not come back after a night of hard drinking on Bourbon street, you want a physical barrier between you and and fig. A of what too much alcohol does to the brain.

So, one night, I was up late (big surprise) and I was also really tired(two shockers right in a row. I'm all over the place). So, I closed my door but did the unthinkable.

I forgot to lock it.

So I go to sleep. Wake up the next morning to about 3 alarms going off and still slowly get out of bed. I think I actually rolled over and went back to sleep, even with the cacophony of noise erupting all around me.

I need an alarm clock that physically beats me to wake up, because noise just isn't cutting it anymore. I get my stuff together, and go to take a shower, and unlock the door.

Except for the fact that the door was already unlocked. But I still threw the lock, just in the wrong direction.

This means I locked myself in my dorm room.

Inside Relimited's Head: "I'M TRAPPED! AND I DON'T LIVE ON THE FIRST FLOOR, SO CAN'T GET OUT VIA THE WINDOW! SOMEONE SAVE ME! HEEEEELLLLLP!"

My hair isn't blond by the way.

For a good five minutes, I struggled to open the door and tried to think of an emergency escape route out the window. I also wondered how thick the walls were in case I needed to tunnel my way out.

Then panic woke up the rest of my brain and I unlocked the door, took my shower and went to class. Had a pretty normal day too.

Aside from almost getting trapped in my room and starving when the ramen finally ran out. Which wouldn't have been any time soon, I can survive a zombie apocalypse with my ramen stockpile.

Shush, its not sad. Any one of you could have done it!

Typical Day

alternative title: output of the function of caffeine per typical day.

you can rewrite the alt title as the following: F(x):{x E Time y E caffeine consumed}

For those of you not in higher math- this post is a typical day for me, in terms of how much caffeine I consume.

Its actually a little scary.

12 am (this is when a day starts, no?): Look blearily at computer screen, ponder switching majors. Chug first Starbucks doubleshot.

12:45 am: start first pot of strong coffee. Thank the powers above for a suite mate that has a huge amount of the 'black gold', and wants to get through it by the end of the semester.

1:30 am: mounting frustration at computer code, wonder exactly how little musicians make. Consume first cup of coffee.

(note on coffee cups: we have big ones. one cup of coffee is two cups according to the markings on the pot)

2:15 am: finish first cup of coffee- look sadly at bottom of cup.

2:16 am: pour second cup of coffee, add 3 spoons of sugar.

3:00 am: ponder throwing computer outside of window, and finding and killing prof for assigning this final project.

3:30 am: suite mate comes in, demands I stop for the night and go to sleep.

3:30:30 am: decide that I'll have enough sleep when I'm dead.

4:00 am: collapse on keyboard, take an unscheduled power nap

4:20 am: get up. Ponder the effects of slobber on a keyboard. Pull out calculus II text book.

4:45 am: wonder how much a F will effect my grades.

5:00 am: finally collapse against bed, fall into fitful overcaffinated sleep.

7:30 am: first alarm goes off. I apparently get up out of my bed and turn it off, but I don't remember any of that.

8:00 am: second alarm goes off. Reach over and shut it off.

9:00 am: get up for real due to sunlight shining directly on face. blink. Try to remember what day it is.

9:05 am: successfully remember what day it is. Go back to laptop and put some more time into calculus.

9:50 am: go to Geology Lecture.

10:50 am: Buy a medium Carmel Macchiahto from the coffee shop in the library. The drink is pretty much espresso, milk,and Carmel. Ponder adding more sugar.

11:00 am: go to Technical Communication. Give all the student presenters for that day a 100. Pull out Discrete Math textbook, look prof directly in the eye and show no fear. Then, begin studying Discrete Math.

(aside: Professors are like lions: you've got to show that you're not about to take any of their crap, that you're not afraid of them, and they won't give you any trouble.)

12:15 pm: start to feel effects of lack of sleep. Wonder about hallucination myths when I see a golden retriever go up the isle of desks.

1:00 pm: go out and buy a Starbucks doubleshot, a rockstar energy drink, a 5 hour energy shot, and shampoo.

1:20 pm: write blog up to this point- then resume studying for calculus.

2:00 am: finish prepping calc to teach student. Start putting finishing touches on CS project.

2:30 pm: Decide that the CS project works, and that's all that really counts anyway.
Even if it does look like crap...

2:45 pm: go to UC to meet student and drink second Starbucks doubleshot of the day.

It works for about an hour where I am sane enough to teach three of the five concepts we will be tested on.

4:45 pm: get told by student to take nap at this point, I am very spacey and am having trouble with basic math terms. (I couldn't multiply, much less integrate by parts)

5:00 pm: go get food from the University Center- feel far better after getting my first meal of the day.

5:15 pm: fix Technical communication final essay.

6:30 pm: consume Rockstar energy drink.

7:00 pm: Swear to all higher powers I can think of, that I will never, ever, procrastinate again. EVER.

8:00 pm: consume 5 hour energy. Work until collapse (which will happen tomorrow).

Link week, day 5

alternative title: don't trust me. Ever.

So. I'm a day behind in link week already. Yeah, I know this looks terrible. I feel terrible about it.

But, I think I'll use the American method here and take no responsibility. I blame my room mates.

They introduced me to the computerized crack cocaine known as the computer game Diablo. I was killing the devil instead of blogging yesterday. Priorities people.

I was also killing the devil instead of working on my computer science final project, which is worth far to much of my grade. Its also no where near anything that might resemble functional code.

And its not due tonight... yep, not due tonight. Can't be. No way. I don't even need to check. There is absolutely no possible way he could ever expect it to even be remotely due tonight.

Anyway, on with the last day of link week. I know, you're just as sad to see it go as I am. But like all good things, this too must come to an end. And I'll have to actually start writing real stories soon. Damn.

As all of you readers know, my life is chaotic and filled with ridiculousness. However, I might be off the wall and ditsy, and also seem to have a penchant for running into other off the wall and ditsy people, the setting is mundane.

Or at least more mundane that say... THE MOST MAGICAL PLACE ON EARTH.

That's right, The Beamish Blatherings of a Burbled Brodie is a blog about what its like in Disney World. The author is a cast member there, as a janitor (oh, wait, Sanitation Engineer). He comments on the guests of the park, the other employees there, and what Disney really is like behind all the magic in a fantastic sarcastic style. Totally worth a read- especially if you got dropped on your head as a child and like this blog. Its similar to this one, only far more awesome.

A note to all the blogs I have linked during link week: if you don't want me to link you anymore, just contact me and I'll take your blog down with no fuss or hassle. Thank all of you, link week links for writing/reviewing/taking pictures (photographing?).

Link week, day 3

You all must have figured out what time it is by now.

That's right, link week update time! *the sound of children cheering*

I know, I bet you're excited as I am. I bet you can't wait for me to tell you about another cool spot on the Internet that is far better for wasting your time than whatever I'm scratching over here.

Don't forget about me. Please.

Also, to all you blog writers that I'm linking to: This is a contract. I link you, you keep writing so I don't look stupid.

What do you mean "I didn't sign up for that" and "hypocrite?"

Confusing people, you are.

Anyway, today's blog is fairly new, but gets updated every day, so there is a ton of content for you to look at and browse through.

That's right, look at.

KimberlE Spins is a photo-blog by a very talented photographer. With a penchant for flowers, and a fantastic eye for colorful and delightful pictures, this blog can make any day seem more full of energy and fun. The author is currently over half way through a 100 day picture-a-day challenge, and its a great hope of mine they'll continue to update even after the challenge is up.

This is a blog I recommend everyone take a look at. You will not be disappointed.

Link week, day 2

This kinda sounds like summer camp in my head now.

Inside Relimited's head: "Ok, campers, now that we've spent aaaall yesterday breaking the ice with some reaaaally fun activities, lets go see what fantastic fun we'll have today!"

For full effect, read that in a bubbly, far-too-happy type of voice. You all know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, cool spots on the interwebz. Hmm...

How about the blog that I get my inspiration from?

Bannable Offenses is a hilarious (and actually really funny, unlike this one) blog about the life and times of a certain sadistic GM for Final Fantasy XI, a rather old Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game that for some reason is still around and has a sizable community.

I used to play it way back when.

GM Dave is an amazing writer that literally makes me bust out laughing every time I read from his blog. Really. I can't give him high enough praise.

However, you should know that the blog is based around FF XI. Most of the in game terms are explained in time, as well as general MMO game terms, but there will be some jargon for people who have never played that sort of thing. However, the humor doesn't fall around the jargon, for the most part, so you'll be laughing hysterically along with the rest of us.

And learn some useless info in the process. But this is the Internet, what did you think?

This is probably a bad idea but...

alternative title: Link Week: day 1.

I had this fantastic idea. I should do something special to commemorate the zombie blog rising from the grave.

But, I couldn't think of anything. I mean, what does one do to restart a blog? Then, I had an idea. I'll link this blog to a couple of other blogs that I like a lot that are good and worth your readership. And tell you why, of course.

Most of you probably know about most of these blogs, but not all of you know about all of them. So, I feel mildly justified in doing this.

So, first on the list is actually not one blog, but two. And its not even two for Tuesday. I'm so generous.

Ever read my blog and go,

Blog Reader: "Well, this guy totally sucks at writing AND there is absolutely no useful information here, aside from this joker's life issues. I mean he's a 'musician' and he doesn't even talk about what bands he likes!"

Well, fear no more, jerk.

Syncopated Time is brand new music blog written by a friend of mine, who also has a pretty good movie blog too. The blurbs about the music/movies aren't detailed, allowing you to get a basic idea of what is good/bad and then draw your own conclusions yourself. Its a style I prefer over the elaborate reviews, because lets face it- movies and music are two of the most varied types of media in terms of enjoyment.

Hope you enjoy- I'll be linking another blog tomorrow, and this one is one of my all time favorites, so STAY TUNED.

On Writing

The title is also the title of a book by Steven King.
Its about, guess what, writing.
So is this post today.

However, these two things vary very greatly.

Very, very greatly.

You see, Steven King's book is about writing when it works. This post is about when writing falls apart and what happens to the minds of those who try to read it. It is... interesting.

Definition time!

Interesting: 1) holding the attention, 2) arousing interest, 3) [flapjacks]! [shortcake]! We're all going to [flooring] die!!

I'm going for definition number 3 here.

Anyway, I am currently slogging through writing a geology essay on the geologic history of the Mediterranean sea. Riveting stuff.

It's actually vaguely interesting. I almost enjoy it.

Almost is a funny word, isn't it? Its of like but, it can totally negate whatever positive points something was gaining, and then point out the millions of negatives that are about to bust out like a rabid bear getting poked by hyperactive children in a little stick-cage.

i.e. it's not going to be pretty.

These articles on it read like they where written by a retarted 10 year old desperately trying (and absolutely failing- if people got grades this bad, we'd need a new letter, like S for [fan dangling] SUCKS) to sound smart by making up the most asinine words that, I swear, I have ever seen. Screw spell check, dictionary.com didn't even know what most of this stupid babble was.

Think about that for a second. You take the internet- the source of far to much information, and you put a dictionary on it- which probably has definitions for far to much considering the amount of information its sitting in.

wikipedia even failed me at one point. WIKIPEDIA!

And the rambling.

Oh, gods, the rambling.

I have never known you can string so many words together and get absolutely [chicken][stewing]-bull[flying] nothing. Nothing at all.

These journals lack almost any evidence of the ability to even put your fingers on the keyboard in a cognitive and remotely not-retarded manner.

Dear Readers: "Pshaw. Whatever. Stop [bomb shelling] and work on it"

First, dear readers, I am ashamed. I try to keep this blog family friendly and you go on and say something like [bordering]? For shame, for shame.

Second- oh, yeah, dear readers? Well, just try and pronounce magnetostratigraphy!

Or astrochronology. Its not just nouns for the study of something stupidly arcane, there is also fun adverbs like diachronously, and verbs like disaggregate. I feel like puking just relating this stuff back to you.

I am being totally serious right now.

Combine things like that with a total lack of the ability to structure sentences, much less paragraphs-- While we're on sentences, the passive voice is not for you to use with every [goodness] thing you write. It is definitely not to be used so you can try to avoid setting up a subject in a sentence.

Yes, there were sentences without subjects. You know, that basic building block of English writing? The fact that every sentence must have a subject and a verb?

[gratuitous cursing block. Nothing wholesome to see here folks, move along]

As it stands, I have 7 pages done. And I need to write 3 more.

I have never feared 3 pages of text so much more in my life. And never have I had a general loathing toward a major, but now if you're an EES major, I'm sorry. But I hate your guts.

Why no one wants to be a teacher...

I've decided.

Its probably not the spitballs, exhausting work and terrible pay that drive most teachers to quit. They knew that going in.

Its probably not even the to-cool-for-school idiots that think life's a joke and are fated to drop out of community college and go serve at your local McDonalds.

After all, I can totally see a terrible feeling of smug gratification coming from that. "Oh, you didn't listen in my class and made my job hell? Welcome to the only industry that gets payed less than I do. And I do want that super sized, thank you very much."

Its the smart kids that come after you with a dagger after an hour or so of calculus when you still have 8/10'ths of an exam to still review.

If that sounds oddly specific, it isn't.
I swear.
Really.

Stop looking at me like that.

Ok, alright. I tutor several classmates here on campus in Calculus II. Except for the fact that I hardly have a handle on what is going on in that class and these sessions are never scheduled. It kinda goes down like this,

Classmate: "Hey, its the weekend before a test, can you teach me all the math stuff before then?"

So, I do the only thing and good college student would do:

I pull up my professor's old tests and half teach/half read through them. This works with varying degrees of success.

Lesson A) Complete and pass a level of math before attempting to teach it. Its handy.

Anyway, this teaching style was brought to a head last night as I was trying to teach logarithmic differentiation to Chuck (everyone in the blog is Chuck- even the girls).

The most common line out of his/her mouth: "WHY THE [family friendly blog] DO WE NEED THIS?"

Most common line out of my mouth:
A two way tie between: "PLEASE DON'T EAT ME and PLEASE DON'T STAB ME"

Good times- after all, I managed to teach the concept fairly well and kept both my legs.

Also, friends don't let friends smuggle daggers into the dorm. Its scary for the rest of us.

1st law of computer people: when it doesn't work, reboot it.

So, hi.

We haven't talked in over a month.

I can't help but shake the feeling that this is like me calling you up, my dear readers, and begging that you let me back into your life.

Oh, look at that, I'm writing this at midnight too. Its a textbook "take me back" plea. If I could, I'd do a little ASCII art flower and everything.

You see, what happened was that... I sorta let the blog die. Things where getting very hectic around midterm week and I was busy. Very busy.

Stupid class getting in the way of college.

At any rate, I kinda walked away from writing for a bit. There just wasn't enough hours in the day to do everything I wanted, and I didn't really think anyone actually read this, so... You people can figure it out, spare me the shame of saying it.

Then, it would appear, people DID read this. And they wanted an update.

Oh snap.

So, I'm going to start up again. However, like any good zombie, this blog is coming back and will be harder to kill than ever. First things first: two updates a week. Every week.

I swear. Until I forget. So, don't let me forget, Internet, because I will, oh I will.

So, with no further ado, the blog is back. And hungry for brainz.

First story of the zombie blog tomorrow. Look for it!