Going to sleep on the wrong side of the bed

Actually, due to my spacious dorm room, my bed only has one side.

The other side is occupied by a large immovable object. Actually, that's a bit of a misnomer.

But, we'll get to that.

Anyway, it was late…err, early. And not exactly very early, either. I was in my dorm room, studying like the great student I am, when I glanced over at the clock. You know what's funny? Realizing how early it was triggered a panicked adrenaline rush. You know what adrenaline does? Here's a hint: the exact opposite of NightQuil.

So, I was now more awake that I knew I had to go to sleep very soon. My body is retarded. I leapt out of my ergonomic chair.

Quick tangent: The only thing that stupid chair does is make me see my life flash before my eyes when I throw my hands in the air out frustration. I would like a chair that passed school thanks, not a "special one".

Back to my story. I leapt from my chair, managing to somehow grow a third arm to grab my contacts, toothbrush and toothpaste, and my pro acn—I mean anti acne cream… err, that cream is another story for another time. Anyway, I dash into the bathroom to perform my nightly ritual while trying to break the speed of light.

And yes, I don't know why I try to race physics in my bathroom. It's not exactly a place I want to shatter the space-time continuum. If I were to bring about the end of the universe as we know it, I'd at least do it in a mall, so I could get as many people as possible before going down in an implosion of all matter.

So, story. I managed to get back to bed (the light barrier was still intact, but I think I heard a small pop. Might have broken the sound barrier) and slipped under the covers. Now let's do some simple math here:

Adrenaline + moving quickly =/= sleep. Not to mention that I have actually mutated while living in my dorm, and am now used to the fact that one of my dorm mates apparently is a polar bear.

I think he just shaves his fur coat every hour. And we can't see it because it's clear. Don't go "huh?", and give me that look. Common, you've all watched that episode from animal planet, hoping that a polar bear would eat a penguin.

Then you found your dreams twice crushed: the polar bear's fur is clear, (it only appears white because its body is white) so your idea to blend into white walls by replacing a doormat's fuzz with polar bear hair will never work. And then you found out the penguins and polar bears live on opposite sides of the earth.

Hope I didn't spoil that for anyone.

The point is that I am used to it being the current temperature in Iceland in my dorm. So, I am hot and uncomfortable underneath my covers, whereas, if I was still a normal human, I'd probably be trying to find a parka. So, I start tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. This adds to my duress, so now I tossing and turning out of a low grade panic as well.

Then, I tried to roll on my left side from my back, practically throwing myself in the motion, when my face collided with something very hard. Funny, I don't remember much after that.

I think I'm the first person ever to not roll out of a bed, but roll into a wall.

I had a nice bump and matching headache the next morning. By the way, I now worship Advil as a minor deity. I'm gonna sacrifice a goat to him on the beach on Sunday, if you're interested in gaining the god of pain relief's favor.